you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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