My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
