literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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