Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
