I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize