heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
