I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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