so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
