how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize