I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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