In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Need sex. Gaining weight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
