ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
