The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
