It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
