Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
