omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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