I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
