she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
