Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
