Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
