I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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