Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
