so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
