Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
