In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
