I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
