Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
