im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
