Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
