i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
