please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
