wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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