He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
