Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
