I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
