is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
