highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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