Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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