Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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