I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
