I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
