You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize