so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
