Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
