i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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