My Higher Power is John Stamos
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She told me I should be a condom model.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
