North Korea, Best Korea!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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