he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm way too hungover for life right now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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