I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
