I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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