apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
