There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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