Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
