all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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