I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
