I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
