hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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