Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
