...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
