im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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