I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
