so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
