I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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