just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
