Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
