i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
her facebook's as public as her vagina
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
