Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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