Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
