i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
