i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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